Beyond the Box
Beyond the Box with Monica Kelsey is a powerful podcast dedicated to raising awareness, educating the public, and advocating for change in the fight against infant abandonment. Hosted by Monica Kelsey, Founder and CEO of Safe Haven Baby Boxes, this podcast dives deep into real stories, expert insights, and the life-saving impact of Safe Haven laws and baby box programs across the country.
Each episode features compelling conversations with firefighters, legal experts, healthcare professionals, policymakers, adoptive families, and even mothers who have used Safe Haven Baby Boxes. Together, they shed light on the challenges, victories, and ongoing efforts to provide safe, legal, and anonymous surrender options for parents in crisis.
From heartwarming rescue stories to policy discussions shaping the future, Beyond the Box is a must-listen for anyone passionate about saving lives and supporting vulnerable infants.
Beyond the Box
EP #7 The Day that Saved My Life.
What happens when a night of celebration turns into the worst moment of your life? In this raw and unflinching conversation, Monica sits down with her son JJ to discuss the night that forever changed both their lives—when JJ's choices behind the wheel resulted in the death of his best friend Casey.
The conversation weaves through memories of Casey, described lovingly as someone who was "exactly like me... very outgoing and outspoken" and "the glue that held a lot of our group together." We hear about their friendship, their shared passion for mechanics, and the fateful graduation party that would end in tragedy. JJ recounts the moments after the Jeep flipped, his desperate attempts at CPR, and the surreal experience of seeing his mother arrive on scene as a first responder.
What stands out most powerfully is JJ's absolute refusal to shirk responsibility. When asked why he pled guilty, he states simply: "When you screw up, own it. You don't own it, you're just enabling yourself to screw up more." This philosophy of accountability becomes the foundation for his remarkable transformation during and after his four-year prison sentence.
Perhaps most striking is JJ's reflection that "the day that Casey died is the day that my life was saved," acknowledging that before the accident, he was heading down a dangerous path. Today, with a growing family and purpose-driven life, JJ speaks at schools about his experience, hoping to prevent others from making similar mistakes. The silent rooms full of attentive students speak to the power of his authenticity.
This episode isn't just about tragedy—it's about how taking full responsibility for our actions, even the most devastating ones, can become the catalyst for profound personal growth. What would happen if we all faced our mistakes with such unflinching honesty?
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this is monica kelsey from beyond the box.
Speaker 1:A lot of you guys have been waiting for this episode to come out and I am here to tell you. We have jj in the studio most of you guys are aware of his story and he is here today to talk about, uh, probably the worst day of your life and, uh, we're just going to touch space on it and see where it goes. Thanks for coming you're welcome I don't think you had a choice and I didn't.
Speaker 3:I was getting to that part next well, I am.
Speaker 1:I'm proud of you for putting your story out there and for allowing others to see um the tragedy that unfolded that you are so open about Um, and so tell me, um, tell me a little bit about Casey.
Speaker 3:Um, well, to put Casey blunt um, he was exactly like me that's kind of the short version very up front about things, very outgoing and outspoken. You know, the biggest thing you didn't do was mess with family or friends. But he was also the glue that held a lot of our group together and unfortunately, the day that he passed a lot of our group together and unfortunately the day that he passed a lot of our group kind of just disappeared.
Speaker 1:So he loved to have fun.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, very much, yeah, very much.
Speaker 1:And so a lot of people don't know this, but you guys had both graduated high school and you guys both left for college and you both went to the same school down in indianapolis and you guys were up here um and was invited to this high school graduation party well, we had just graduated college yes yeah, we had just gotten out.
Speaker 3:Um, he graduated. I think he graduated a little bit before I did and I graduated in January. I moved back in February.
Speaker 1:And so what did you go to school for? For those that don't know Diesel mechanics. So you can work on anybody's diesel truck.
Speaker 3:Pretty much anything. If it's got a motor, I'm going to mess with it.
Speaker 1:You're not even going to mess around, you're just going to tear it apart. Yeah. Well, you remember the first car that you bought, that you had to have. You remember it didn't even run. It didn't even run but for your 16th birthday. It wasn't even my 16th.
Speaker 3:I think it was my 14th. Yeah something 14th or 15th.
Speaker 1:You had saved up your money and we put some money with it and you went and you bought this car.
Speaker 3:It's like a 1200 car or something like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's not the funny part, though. The funny part is is you tinkered in this car, on this car for probably two years no, it wasn't two years.
Speaker 3:Um, I want to say we bought it right when winter was getting done and the entire summer I was outside messing with well, it had to have been there for over a year because we got a tag on it that says this is a junk car and hasn't been moved well, yeah, so they wanted it moved well, because I we got it not running and the guy told me it needed one thing. I didn't.
Speaker 1:Or no, it did.
Speaker 3:It just needed an oil pump. But me not knowing what the hell I was getting into, I was like yeah.
Speaker 3:You could fix that. It was a run-down piece of crap on the outside. But you pop the hood and it had all this stuff. It was big old turbo on it, like all this stuff was big old turbo on it, like all this stuff it was. I think I was aiming for like 400 by the time it was done out of a four-cylinder. I mean it had a side exit exhaust, I mean it was just did it ever run?
Speaker 1:it did? How long did?
Speaker 3:not long, not long. I still don't know exactly what happened with that, but we started it up. It ran. I revved it up a few times and it was obnoxiously loud and I shut it down. And I remember you guys ran outside and was like what the hell Is it running?
Speaker 1:Well, you remember Kyle was there. Yeah, Kyle was there. You blamed Kyle for killing the motor. Yeah, because that's what I thought happened.
Speaker 3:I mean, everybody I talked to thought that's what happened. But I don't know what happened. To be honest with you, I really don't.
Speaker 1:So your first car literally ran for three seconds, yeah maybe that's probably pushing it.
Speaker 3:I mean you're pushing it, saying 10 seconds. I would probably give it 10 seconds at absolute max and it never ran again.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 3:And I know what I did wrong. Now for the second time around Cause the it. Somehow it jumped timing and I snapped a valve off and it impaled it in the head and I walked the motor up. I got a new cylinder head and did all this other stuff to it. I had it apart and, um yeah, got it back together. Well, with those ones, the cam gears had indicators on both sides, didn't have anything on the top of them. You can very easily have them 180 off. Pretty sure I had had them 180 off and that was the problem the whole time.
Speaker 3:Other than that the car would have ran. Now that I know that I'm not, you know some young 15-year-old kid that doesn't know what the hell I'm doing.
Speaker 1:So the money that was spent on college paid off.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Let's hope.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's go back to the night that casey died, and what were you guys doing there and where were you at?
Speaker 3:so we were at a buddy of mine's house and, um, they were having a graduation party for him and his sister. Um, they were a little bit younger than we were, but kyle was friends with him and then I met him through him and didn't really have a problem with him. Um, but now we're just over there for a graduation party, and one thing led to another did casey want to go to the party?
Speaker 1:did you? I mean, was he invited or did you just invite him, or no, he was invited, yeah, he.
Speaker 3:So to back up a little bit, we were at my house I don't remember exactly how long it was beforehand, um, but we were all working on my truck over there and the guy showed up to the house on his bike. He wanted to show us his bike and blah, blah, blah, um ended up hanging out with us for a little bit while we messed with the truck, trying to figure it out. Um, ended up being a burnt wire on an exhaust. Took like two weeks to figure out, but anyways, um, so he came over, was showing us the bike and then got on the subject of a graduation party and pretty much said you guys want to go? And I was like, well, I got the stereo in the truck too. If you need a stereo, all we got to do is figure out what the hell is going on with it. And you know, bring it. Yeah, that'd be great. You know, blah blah blah, we need one, you know, so on and so forth. But he invited pretty much everybody that was there me, casey Kyle, somebody else was there, me, casey kyle, somebody else was there, I can't remember who the last person you're talking about at the house, when you guys were working on yeah, when we were working on the truck and, um, I don't remember who the last person was, but I don't think they ended up going or they got there before us something I don't
Speaker 3:know? Um, yeah, he invited us all all of us to it. Casey was kind of weary about it. I was like, let's at least go for a little bit. We can hang out there for a little while. He was kind of weary about it just because he didn't be expected. These are Kyle's buddies and all the kids that he goes to school with, so we'll be fine. Blah, blah, blah, blah blah. We're like alright, we'll just go there for a few hours. And because we both had work the next day and, yeah, we ended up going to the party.
Speaker 1:And so it was you, kyle and Casey. Did you guys all go together?
Speaker 3:No, kyle was already there. I don't remember what we were doing, that we went so late, but I know Casey ended up getting to the house and it was like almost dark when he got there.
Speaker 3:And by the time he got to the house and we left from there, he drove my truck and I was driving this Jeep. I was messing with it for somebody and I'm trying to figure out what was going on with it. So they let me take it for a few days, try and figure out what it was, because it's so sporadic. Well, when I drove that, he drove the truck and hung out there for a few hours and and so you're at this party.
Speaker 1:How many people were there?
Speaker 3:I couldn't even. I know there was a shell out, though it wasn't a small number 50 plus oh yeah 50 plus people I mean the entire class, well, at least a good majority of the class that graduated. Then there was people from other schools that showed up, you know, and then people like me and casey were a little bit older.
Speaker 1:Some were younger, so where was the party at?
Speaker 3:It was over on.
Speaker 1:I mean like, was it a? What kind of place was it? I?
Speaker 3:was going to say. I don't want to really name names. Yeah, but it was out on a farm, just a big piece of property. It was back in the back behind their pasture, um, just a big open area pretty much quite a ways away from the house. Yeah, yeah, so you guys could do pretty much whatever the hell we whatever we we we were gonna shoot guns before the party because they had a little range down by the creek, but we getting there today wasn't gonna happen.
Speaker 1:Um. Were you drinking? Who bought the booze? Did everybody just bring their own, or I couldn't?
Speaker 3:I mean, I don't know who brought what exactly, but I know there was coolers in the back of Dalton's truck.
Speaker 1:I'll cut that out, just say it again.
Speaker 3:There's coolers in the back of the homeowner's kid's truck and that's where I was grabbing my beer from. So it was pretty much, people were just bringing coolers, yeah, pretty much whoever brought whatever, it was never designated as like a BYOB thing, just kind of people showing up whenever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, was Casey drinking Mm-hmm, so everybody was drinking.
Speaker 3:That was at that party. That boy loved his Jack.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's take it to the moment when you guys were leaving. Good luck Anna so let's take it to the part where you guys were leaving and you guys decided to go home. It was the end of the night um.
Speaker 3:So we were getting ready to leave um, casey, for whatever reason, couldn't find his phone. He had lost it. We were searching all over, we searched, searched my truck, couldn't find the damn thing.
Speaker 1:You were still at the party at this time.
Speaker 3:We searched through our vehicles to try and find it. He's like well, maybe I left it in my truck back at your house. So after we had searched 15, 20, trying to find this damn thing, we left and we went to the house and he started tearing apart his truck trying to find it. When we got there there I was calling the phone. Mind you, I had been calling it the whole time, but he had it on hybrid um couldn't find it in his truck. So I'm calling the phone while we're there. Somebody back at the party answered it and I I believe it was a homeowner's daughter, which was the other one that graduated and um, she said, yeah, it was underneath your truck. You know he must have dropped it, whatever, but it's here. I got it Like, all right, we'll be back here in a few minutes. We just got to get the trucks put back together now and then we'll be back. So we left the house headed back, we hopped in the Jeep.
Speaker 3:We took the jeep back um, so he rode with you. Yeah, he rode with um. We took the jeep headed back, we got over there and um got the phone. We were sitting there just shooting the shit with people and then we were leaving. When we left, somebody yelled do a donut or something, I don't remember exactly, but I dropped it down in a second. Well, I went out to where nobody was at, dropped it down in a second, hammered down and it spun and it caught like three-quarters of the way through something like that and the tire just bit and over it went and I remember sitting there like son of a bitch. Now I gotta fix this on this damn thing and this one I gotta pay for. You know, and still didn't know Casey had been pinned at this point where was Casey sitting when you were doing that donut?
Speaker 3:I'll get to that but after it flipped I'm thinking to myself like shit, now I gotta fix this thing. I killed the lights on the jeep, shut the ignition off, put it in neutral and then that's when I looked down and all I seen was the bottom half of him and he was pinned in the jeep and um um he was pinned underneath the jeep.
Speaker 3:And that's when I realized that you know, holy shit, like what is going on, and I started to climb out of the jeep. Well, attempted to seat belt wouldn't come on. Well, by the time I got it undone and I started climbing out of the jeep. Um, I got, I want to say I got up on the top of it or was like getting ready to climb out or something. And then that's when all the kids ran over to the jeep and they were tipping it back up. When they tipped it back up, I got thrown. And then I don't know if I hit my head or if it was just like he at the moment, or my mind pretty much lacking out this moment, but I remember coming to and I ran around the front of the Jeep and it was just Casey on the ground, nobody else was there, and I ran up to him and he wasn't responding to me, wasn't doing anything, and I called 911, freaking out, trying to tell him where I'm at.
Speaker 3:I don't even know the address to the place I'm trying to tell him, based off a stop sign on 101, you know, and I told him where it was at. Well, then the call dropped around, bfe, all dropped off, and then, right after that is whenever I called you, and then the call ended up dropping with you as well, after I told you it's us, us, you know that you're coming out to right now and, um, well, let me back up. I got ahead of myself when I was on the phone with 911. They were running me through and I had started doing cpr and then that's whenever I called you, whenever the phone dropped off, then it dropped off with you and I just kept doing CPR.
Speaker 3:And by the time you guys got there, you know I'm sure I was probably covered from head to toe in his blood. Yeah, after that, then you guys took over. Were you surprised?
Speaker 1:when you seen me show up and yeah, after that you guys took over.
Speaker 3:Were you surprised when you seen me show up? A little bit, yeah, at the time I mean it definitely surprised me, don't get me wrong. But who showed up? To be honest, I didn't care who did, I was just wanting that was my priority at that moment. You know, having you show up definitely was like holy shit.
Speaker 1:Um, you know, I remember when I got there and I I did see all the blood all over your face and I immediately went to you. You know, as my, as my son, I wanted to fix you. You know, I didn't really know who was on the ground at that time. I knew somebody was there, but I was more focused on you at the moment and I remember asking you are you okay? Are you okay? And do you remember what you said to me?
Speaker 1:You said don't worry about me, fix Casey that's yeah, it sounds like something you said it over and over again and then you walked away and I started working on Casey and I remember I remember sitting there trying to put it into perspective what had happened because we had got called to a vehicle rollover party pinned and when I got there there was nobody pinned and the jeep probably didn't have much damage at all.
Speaker 1:It didn't have any damage at all, and so I'm sitting there wondering how it got so bad. And I remember trying to stick a tube down Casey's throat to get him to breathe and I could not get the tube in his throat and I was so mad. Um, looking back now, the roll bar had caught his chest and so it had. I was never going to get a tube down his throat it just wasn't.
Speaker 3:He was gone before you guys got there. I I know that now. I think I knew it then subconsciously, but wasn't ready to accept that yet.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, and then we called time of death, we went ahead and pronounced Casey gone. And then I came over to you and do you remember what I said? I said what you, and do you remember what I said? I said what did you do? I wasn't even thinking about what had happened or anything. All I could think of was you had blood all over you. Now Casey's gone and you were the one that was alive. And what did you do? This is not good. And you kept saying messed up, I messed up, um I'm sure that wasn't my words.
Speaker 3:I'm sure it was a little more vulgar. I get it.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure it was a little bit more vulgar than two and I was probably saying some things that we shouldn't be said on this podcast as well, so you and I. I took you away from the accident at that point.
Speaker 1:I walked you into the field and we sat down in the field and we just waited for whatever it was the detectives and the police and everybody. I mean it looked like a movie scene when you kind of looked around because there were so many fire trucks, so many police officers and, um, what was running through your mind? I mean I, I ask you that and it's kind of naive to say it, or not naive, but kind of. I mean, do you, do you remember your thoughts from that, or is everything just kind of?
Speaker 3:After you guys took over. It gets extremely fuzzy for me A lot of parts of it. It's just I don't know if it was the adrenaline or Really I don't know what the hell about it. I can remember a good majority of what happened. I can remember pretty much all of it before the, the rollover it happened, um, and then it's like I do remember looking down, seeing him, everything leading up to all of that when you guys got there and then afterwards it's like I remember at one point I was punched in the ground. I don't know if that was before or after you came over. The one thing I do remember is that cop I don't remember what his name is, but I remember he pissed me off because he kept asking him if I'm okay, if I'm okay, and I'm pretty sure I told him to shut the hell up and get over to him and help him. I'm sure he didn't like that too much.
Speaker 1:Well, but that was after. Ems was there because there was no police officers on scene when we arrived.
Speaker 3:Yeah, again, I don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I do remember that portion, yeah, and then it's. I remember getting cuffed and walked to the car and loaded up in the cop car and then they took me to the hospital.
Speaker 1:Why did they put you in handcuffs?
Speaker 3:Because I was driving and I had told them that.
Speaker 1:And you told them you were drinking.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:So you didn't hide it.
Speaker 3:No, I ain't going to. Why the hell would I like I screwed up? And I know that I knew that at the time. I mean hell. Apparently I was preaching it to you. You know, I mean my eyes. Why even try and hide it?
Speaker 1:so they take you to the hospital and you at this time you knew Casey was gone. And so you get to the hospital and, um, they start going through all the procedures and taking you back for a CT scan because it was it was an accident, you know, a motor motor vehicle accident. And so they wanted to do a cat scan because they think you did hit your head when they, when the vehicle was being moved back to its tires, and you kind of flew out we're not real sure what happened at that point and um and me and Joe were there. And you know one of the things that I know I've told you this before. Maybe I've not told you this before, but the nurse asked to talk to us. You were in the room, you were just, you were just bawling.
Speaker 1:And the nurse comes in and says can I talk to you for a minute? And she pulled us aside and she and I'll never forget this she goes do you have guns in your house? And joe goes we do. She says I recommend you get them out. He says all too often I see friends like this, where one is killed and the other one has the survivor's guilt and and then something bad happens and it's because of them having access to guns, and I had never thought of that. I had never thought of that, and so when we got home that morning I don't know if you know this, but we took our guns to one of the firefighters' houses here in Woodburn.
Speaker 3:No, I didn't know that. Honestly, that was not a thought in my mind ever. No, I didn't know that.
Speaker 1:But I mean, I don't think you were thinking clearly at the time either. You know, I mean.
Speaker 3:No, I'm sure I wasn't.
Speaker 1:So okay. So after the hospital they did a blood draw. They took your blood so that they could test your the amount of alcohol that you had in your system. And then they sent you home because they said, can't do anything now, it's going to take weeks for that to come back. And so they sent you home. And so we drive all the way home and, um, where's your mind at at this point? I mean, where is your mind at? What are you at this point? You probably couldn't sleep.
Speaker 3:No, not a wink, I didn't sleep at all. I know that. Next day well I guess you could say that current day my main priority was getting to Casey's parents' house Because I wanted to be the one to tell them. I know I wasn't. You know, obviously the cops got over there quite a bit quicker than I did, but that was my priority was getting over there just to make sure they were doing okay.
Speaker 1:Why did you want to tell them? Was it just out of respect?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would probably say it was more than that.
Speaker 1:I mean, you knew his parents well. I mean you guys had spent a lot of time together over there. Oh God, yeah.
Speaker 3:I spent so much time over at their place Because Casey rented I don't know if you'd really call it rented, but his parents owned the building that was across from their house and it was like a duplex and he lived in one of the apartments. So we were always over there, seeing them make us dinner, whatever, come over and visit them, hang out.
Speaker 3:We'd go and do shit. So I knew him pretty well and I don't know, out of respect, yeah, that was probably part of it. I do remember saying quite often that his dad was going to kill me when he found out. Yeah, I do remember that I really don't. I couldn't give you an answer as to why 100%, why I? Don't know if it was I don't know.
Speaker 1:I just know I wanted to and that's all I could focus on was going over to tell them something about it um, that morning, after you were home for a while, people started showing up at our house that had started to hear about the accident, and Casey's brother showed up. Remember that.
Speaker 3:I think so. Yeah, because I think he showed up. I think it was right after Kyle's parents, or right after Kyle's dad and him popped at the house.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because they came to get the truck. I don't remember a whole hell of a lot of that interaction. I think both of his older brothers, because I think his oldest brother brought his wife and kids with him too.
Speaker 1:I didn't know that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think they showed up too. It's either they showed up that day also, or I think they came with Kelly. I want to say they came with Kelly because I think they drove him and then Kelly took him.
Speaker 1:It was Dale. Dale took the truck. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, there was a Dale that drove it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I remember being out there talking to him for a while. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I just love this podcast he does. He's very fidgety when he talks about this. I've learned that when going into schools. So about four weeks later there's a warrant for your arrest. Yeah was it four weeks later there's a warrant for your arrest.
Speaker 3:Yeah, was it four weeks?
Speaker 1:It was the 4th of July weekend, wasn't it, or July 1st. It was July 1st.
Speaker 3:No, it was 4th of July weekend actually. I do remember that because I think my attorney because we had gotten an attorney at this point because we already knew it was coming, and I think he got a hold of the prosecuting attorney about it because they were trying to come and haul me out from work and I think he got a hold of the prosecuting attorney and told him, like, don't do that, this is a small town, you know? Blah, blah, blah. You're making your point.
Speaker 3:I'll bring him in, yeah he's not going to run and luckily they let us do that. And they told us either get here by this time or you're not getting out until Monday. Well, actually I think Monday was the 4th. It was Friday. It was Friday when my warrant got sent out. I think Monday was the 4th of July. I was going to be stuck in there until Tuesday. Of course I'm going to be open on the 4th of July.
Speaker 1:Yeah, why did you decide to plead guilty? Why did you decide not to fight it?
Speaker 3:I mean I screwed up and I knew that. I mean hell, everybody knew that I mean to me. When you screw up, own it. You don't own it, you're just. I don't want to say you're feeding something, but you're, you're enabling yourself to screw up more in my eyes. And if you own it the first time, you ain't gonna fucking do it again.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like the sentence that you got was fair?
Speaker 3:I think he was trying to make an example out of me personally.
Speaker 1:Because of who your parents were, I think everything.
Speaker 3:I don't necessarily think it was because of whom, who my parents were. I mean, I'm sure that probably played a part in it, um, but I think it was more or less because I think I was one of the first few cases years that this had happened and, um, I think at that time they were trying to crack down on drinking and driving, so it was like like they were trying to max me out on everything. That's clearly an accident, I mean, they just my case was cut and dry because I'm not going to argue with them. I screwed up, I admitted it, but yeah they were.
Speaker 3:They were trying to max me. They almost did. I mean I got four out of six years, so you do the math on that well, but you were never one to say that you wanted off easy either you know, you never said that, that you didn't want to.
Speaker 1:You knew that you had screwed up and you knew you needed to do your time I knew I was gonna do time.
Speaker 3:There was no denying that.
Speaker 1:It was just a matter of how much do you feel like you pleading guilty to this has helped you?
Speaker 3:I've said it before and I'll say it again the day that Casey died is the day that my life was saved, and I'll say that wholeheartedly Because I can tell you right now the path I was starting to go down at that time was not a good one, and I'm not proud of that, but I've never denied that. A good one and I'm not proud of that, but I've never denied that. And um, he was my wake-up call that I needed and it was a big one. And I think when that happened, and then going to prison shortly after that, I mean, all you got, all you got to do in there is either sit on your ass and throw a pity party for yourself or do something with your time. And I did exactly that and I came out. I mean all.
Speaker 3:I did was work, lift weights and, you know, do good behavior Like that's all I did in there. Do good behavior like that's all I did in there and, um, I was getting ready to get into like classes and stuff, and that's whenever I got transferred to work really, and I don't know prison prison is what you make it I mean you can walk in there with a chip on your shoulder wanting to get into doing stupid shit, and that's exactly what you make it.
Speaker 3:I mean you can walk in there with a chip on your shoulder wanting to get into doing stupid shit and that's exactly what you're going to get. But you can also go in there with a cool mind about it and you want to do your time, you want to do shit to better yourself and you want to get out, and that's exactly what's going to happen. You're probably going to have hiccups, which everybody does. I had mine and you just deal with it and keep moving, and I think me going to prison.
Speaker 3:I don't want to say redesigned how my mind worked, but it gave me structure for the way I do things, even though it seems like my life is very chaotic 90% of the time, which it is, but the way I handle certain situations. I can tell you right now I wouldn't think it out on some things as much as I do now and sometimes, you know, I do come off very explosive, but that's who isn't. But now, when I make decisions, if it includes me you know I got a family now that I'm worried about. You know we're trying to do the whole stay at home mom thing for her. I'm making decisions for all of them and I think if I wouldn't have had prison, I wouldn't be in this situation at all, because, for one, I wouldn't have the mindset to do it, but it gave me the mindset to set goals, have structure.
Speaker 3:But it gave me the mindset to set goals, have structure, and when you find that goal and you know you want it, you're going for it, and I think that's what prison and this whole situation has brought me, and I'm very proud of where I am today compared to the day that I got, or went in, got out, whatever you want to call it, because I set myself on a five-year plan when I was behind bars and I was gonna be damned if anything was gonna stand in my way to get there, and that's exactly what I did. And now I've got one kid second one on the way. I've got a stepson. He's a pain in my butt but I love him to death. What what kid isn't, though, you know, um, but yeah, a lot came of this, a lot more than what people realize.
Speaker 1:I can definitely say that you know, that always affects me so deeply when you say the day casey died is the day he saved my life. That just speaks. That just speaks volumes. Because now, looking back, I miss so many signs. I miss so many signs with you growing up and some of the stupid stuff that you told me that you did, and I'm sure there's way more of it than than what I even know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll never remember that.
Speaker 1:But I but I think you know, as parents, you know, and you're going to go through this, jj, You're going to have kids that test your patience, you're going to have kids that do stupid stuff, and it's all about giving them the choices to make them for themselves. But understanding that at the end of that choice is a responsibility of an action. You have to take responsibility for what you've chosen and I think for Joe and I, we succeeded in raising you because you did take responsibility for your actions. You messed up, you made the choice. You messed up, but then, at the end of the day, you took responsibility for what you had done and I think that any parent would be proud of some one of their kids that that did that um yeah, it's.
Speaker 3:I had it beat in my head a lot, I mean not only by you and joe, but I also had it from my dad, and that was one thing that I'm not. You know this as well as I do. He was an ass. I love him to death, but he was an ass and there was a very straight and narrow way of doing things and owning your stuff and being a man was his biggest thing and he loved to preach that. So I heard it from a lot of different sides, so I definitely took it and ran with it.
Speaker 1:Proud of you. Thank you. I am. I'm very proud of you. So now we've kind of seen you going into some schools and talking about Casey, and does that bring you a little bit of peace, knowing that you could be changing somebody else's life?
Speaker 3:yeah, I mean, as long as we make the difference on one, it's worth what I do. Um? Does it save somebody from going on the same path I go down? Um yeah, I mean I, I definitely say it helps, I think so yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, when we go into schools and you talk, they listen. You can drop a pin in that room. They're listening to you. I think it's because you're so real. You're just JJ. You're not trying to be somebody else, you're not trying to preach to them, you're just telling them what happened to you and hopefully they don't make the same mistake. That makes me proud. Makes me proud of you. Thank you for coming on my podcast. I'm really enjoying it. No problem, at least somebody's listening. I thank you for coming on my podcast. I hope you're having a great story. No problem, at least somebody's listening. Alright, this is Monica with JJ's story, one of the ones that you guys have been waiting to hear, and we'll see you guys next time.